The last four months, I have learned to function on very little sleep, waking up at odd hours to care for a little life that requires more than a half an eyelid open.
I have learned to enjoy cold food, quick showers, air dried hair, sitting in one spot for hours whilst watching little eyes flutter and a little mouth phantom suck.
In the past four months I have watched my husband with our baby girl, I see how much he loves her, how he adores her, tends to her, doesn't complain when she needs a diaper change, or when I need a nap, or when I want a few hours out to shop or hang out with my girlfriends. Its been difficult at times, but over the past four months I have fallen more in love with him.
I have learned that I am “that” parent that has to buy everything for her little girl. If I think it will enrich her life, teach her new things, keep her quite for even a short period of time, I buy it.
The past four months have made me question my own childhood. A mothers love is unshakable. Undeniable. Unbreakable. Forever. I am certain that my mother loved me.
I've realized that when I am shopping and baby girl is at home with daddy, I am fiercely jealous of the soon to be moms, or moms with their kids in tow. When I am shopping with baby girl, I feel sorry for all the other parents, because I've been blessed with the best kid in the world.
In the last four months I have noticed that I miss my family more than I ever have in my life.
I have found that I am quick to get frustrated with my husband, but baby girl can instantly calm me.
I have found that the weight I put on during the past nine months is a lot harder to lose than I thought it would be. I need to remember, I cooked up a human life, and it will take time to get back to where I was.
During the past four months, I live for the evenings when its bedtime for baby girl. Its just me and her in a dimmed room, eyes locked, secrets told, heart beats synced we are one once again, even if just for a few minutes.
In the past four months I have cried more than I have in the past four years.
I have come to realize that nothing is as important as my family is. My husband and baby girl, are my world. Life is nothing without them.